Frozen In Time
by Seravia
Summary: Kenshin ponders what Kaoru meant to him in Rakuninmura, realizing he'll never get a chance to see her again.


**Frozen In Time**

**By: RedHairRurouniFan**

_Poor Ken-chan. He's had a hard life and now for the second time, he's faced with the despair of losing the single most important person to him. The one he loves. If this didn't clearly show him how he felt for Kaoru, then he's denser than I thought. Sometimes I just want to knock him upside the head…_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own any part of Rurouni Kenshin._

Himura Kenshin sat, like a cadaver, in Rakuninmura, his eyes glazed over with the pain of losing the one he loved. Nothing got through to him. Not enough to tempt him to stand once more. At that awful moment when Kenshin saw Kaoru's lifeless form sprawled in the dojo, something inside him died. To see that warm blood still pulsing out from the stab wound in her heart and the cross-shaped scar that so mirrored his own on her cheek broke something within him. It was as if as Kaoru's life poured out of her, so did Kenshin's soul out of him. Everything he used to live for suddenly seemed so trivial compared to this tragedy. The image of Kamiya Kaoru was etched into Kenshin's brain forever. He couldn't close his eyes, for then an image of Kaoru lying there dead would play under his eyelids. Keeping his eyes open meant acknowledging that the world still went on, and every second, something would trigger the memory of Kaoru. Each and every time Kaoru came to mind, he felt his heart constrict in pain.

Kenshin wasn't dense enough to not see Kaoru's feelings for him. Truth be told, he felt the same way. But the dilemma was that although he loved her with all his heart, he was dangerous. Jinchuu proved that. Because of him, the one he held dearest was dead. That sword plunged through her heart almost signified Kenshin breaking her heart for not admitting his feelings. That thought taunted him day and night. Waking and sleeping were equally agonizing. In waking moments, his brain brought him back to Kaoru. In sleep, nightmares came. He would see Kaoru, but she would dance just out of his reach, taunting him, berating him for not saving her. Time and time again he would wake to realize that it was a dream, that Kaoru was dead. She would never again smile at him. She was what kept him going. Now that she'd left him forever, it was as if something inside him would tick habitually, counting down the seconds to his own end. It was mocking him. Keeping him away from his Kaoru. Yet he was yearning for death. It would be an end to this agony, a liberation from his duties.

Time and time again, his memories with Kaoru would flash before his eyes. Flickers of pain passed through those dull, lifeless eyes of his, the only indication that he was alive. He saw the first time they met. A feisty young woman charging toward him with only a bokken in hand. He remembered saving her and Yahiko from the yakuza, rescuing her from Jin-e. Inside, he'd smile morbidly while thinking of her jealous reaction to Megumi's flirting with him. He'd wonder how she couldn't see that he loved only her. Then, that smile would fade as he would realize he'd never given her any indication of his feelings, and he would never have another chance to do so. Then he recalled his farewell to her as he left for Kyoto. That simple "Sayonara" held so much love and regret that he was surprised Kaoru couldn't detect how he felt. He'd deliberately stripped himself of his rurouni façade, half wishing for her to stop him. Then he saw her face again at Hiko's hut. At that moment, time stopped for him. He deeply regretted not responding better to her near confession of love before Jinchuu. Now he'd lost his only chance. Images of Kaoru's face, laughing, smiling, crying, angry, worried, and so much more, played in his memories. He'd told Kaoru that time begun flowing once again, but now, now…

Time came to a halt. For Kenshin, time had stopped ticking the moment he saw Kaoru's corpse.

He was thoroughly stuck in the past,

Frozen In Time.

_**Owari**_


End file.
